naughty things

today ean and i were getting pretty restless around the house. dad had tons of homework, the mounds of laundry on the couch were piling up and frankly i didn't want to deal with it. so what do you do when you're avoiding laundry and need a break from apartment hunting, you go to target.

i stopped to get a latte at Starbucks before we hustled through the store, then i decided i'd buy ean his first chocolate milk. BAD IDEA. well, for two minutes he was cool, drinking through the straw, sipping away, looking at me with the cutest face... 'did you really just give me sugared, chocolate soy milk?'

yeah kid i did.

for a second i though, 'wow this is really cool, i love this age. he can drink and chill out. this is the moment i always pictured. buying pointless things at target with my main (smaller) guy.

but wait, it was too good to be true wasn't it, universe?

yeah, it was.

in less than 30 seconds his white shirt was covered in sticky crap, our cart was leaving a brown trail through the baby isle, and my caffeine kick was not kicking in it.

or wait, i don't even think we were that far, i think we were passing the cute boots when this mess started happening.

you're probably thinking, why the hell did you give him chocolate milk any way? my answer to you: because i can. because i love watching his little face experience something so naughty.

once i found some sunglasses i didn't need and we bought that candle that was on sale, we left.

drove home and took a nap. the end.



good thing we bought ean a toothbrush today.

a play date + a ride on the carousel

^^come on!! doesn't your heart just wanna burst!

around noon this morning we met our friends, ellie and sky at the park for a play date. can i just say how much i love play dates? we've met up with this bunch a couple of other times and it's always so nice to be able to relate to someone. someone who gets what you're going through, knows all the struggles and worries a new mama has.

while we both giggled at the fact we survived the first year, our little boys were snacking on crackers and dirt. of course, ean kept taking off, trying to 'borrow' the toys from the playdate across the park. we then saw the carousel in the park was running! 2 dollars later, 2 baby boys had smiles on their faces as we went round and round and round.

then we came home and E slept for 2 hours. and i called on apartments. shocker. 

oh yeah, we didn't get that first place. sigh. i guess it wasn't mean to be.

happy tuesday!

ean is home. let the messes and giggles begin.

(thanks, sydney for the idea.)
Making: time for the little things.
Cooking: eggs. the usual.
Drinking: chai tea. which gives me a stomach ache but is my favorite thing ever.
Reading: learning more about night terrors, since it's a new thing in this house.
Wanting: that apartment we put an application in for. (crossing my fingers)
Looking: for a new place to live.
 Playing: outside more. Wasting: money. but i really needed it. you know that thrift store dress.
Sewing: um. nothing currently. 
Wishing: ean will sleep his 12 expected hours tonight.
Enjoying: laying in bed, with the cold air all around.
Waiting: for eric to come to bed.
Liking: how independent ean is. he really does love his own little world.
Wondering: where we will be in this time next year.
Loving: this dim light.Hoping: for all leaves.
Marveling: at those little running feet.
Needing: some hardwood floors.
Smelling: dirty hair.Wearing: our high school gym shirt. hay, CCHS. Noticing: that pile of homework.
Knowing: i have homework due tomorrow.
Thinking: about ALL THE LAUNDRY I DIDN'T DO THIS WEEKEND.
Feeling: tired, yet anxious. Bookmarking: bedroom ideas.
Opening: a sausage package.
Giggling: last night when eric completely called me out.
Feeling: loved.

have a fabulous monday.
xo

hey, it's friday!

^^one of the 3 times ean has let me cuddle him. thank goodness i have proof.

after an incredibly long week, with Ean being in and out of the hospital, we are finally feeling better. his blood levels are back up and his terrible fever is gone. thank you, universe.

so naturally ean needed a vacation. he's spending some quality time with his grandparents, while his parents pull their lives together. I have some school work and some sleeping to do this weekend. along, with some beers to drink and apartments to view. yes, we are moving! we are viewing a couple of places this weekend, in hopes of signing a lease within the month. it's so bittersweet. we are excited to have a bit of a bigger place but i can't help of thinking of all the sweet memories we have made here. enough of that though, i don't want to jinx it!


have a great weekend!
xo

my inner battle

i've been wanting to write something on here for a really long time. i'll always open a page, start typing and within 30 seconds, i'm annoyed with myself. the voice inside my head. does that ever happen to you?

it's been such a whirlwind these past couple of months. i'm back in school and it feels amazing. (I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY ABOUT LIFE) i feel i have a purpose. i feel like i'm living again, like my old self is starting to come through again, with some minor changes.

so here's where i'm getting at

i've been incredibly lucky to have been given the chance to stay home and raise my baby. i know some mamas dream of doing that. staying home playing and singing and dancing and blah blah blah all day long with their babes. and sometimes i feel so guilty for telling myself, "you aren't supposed to be doing this..."

i feel so wrong for even writing that. i feel almost like my motherly instinct should be taken away from me or maybe mother nature should be yelling in my face... "how could you say that? look at your baby."

but i've come to terms with the fact and accepted this feeling.

i'm not supposed to be a stay-at-home mom.

there i said it.

it's been this inner battle with myself for almost a year now. don't misread that sentence and think i don't love my baby. i do. so much. so much even sometimes when he opens a book and pretends to read, i get tears in my eyes and my throat gets a big ball of 'oh of god, you are mine. you are mine...i can't even believe how much i love you, i just met you a year ago. come here right now, i need to kiss you.'

but i'm supposed to do more.

so this is what i'm getting to...........seriously

i'm changing the direction of this blog. i'm creating a diary for myself, a diary through motherhood. my thoughts, my fears, my hopes, and my goals. my goals for myself. to become a better friend. a better mama. a better wife. and most of all, a kinder person.


because when Ean grows up, i don't just want him to look at me as the lady who stayed home with him and played cars and read books. i want him to be proud of his mama for the other things she did. the way she finished school when the odds were against her or how she helped people who needed it the most. i want him to be proud to call me his mama.

but most of all, i want him to know how much i love him. i want him to know how much i'm trying to be my true self.

laying low

^^from the ferry building farmer's market a couple weekends ago

well, it's finally the weekend. i feel like i say that every weekend? maybe i do. whatever. any who  i think this weekend we are laying low. Ean has been dying to ride the carousel over in Golden Gate park, so hopefully we get to do that! (which means, Ean's mama can't wait to take a picture of him riding some plastic horse that probably has a zillon germs on it. :)

speaking of germs...i scrubbed the floors last night, like bleached the crap outta them. is it weird that when i have a container of bleach in my hands i feel powerful? probably. eric came home from class last night and said it smelled like dead bodies...? i had all the windows open but good thing Ean was asleep in his closet. (yes, he sleeps in the closet. more on that later.)

have a great weekend. xo

the park scene

a couple weekends ago while hanging out at my mom's house, i decided, hey let's go to the park. hoping there was a baby swing to put Ean in, we put on his crab hat, buckled him in the smaller stroller, and walked to the park. we were let down. actually, i think i was more let down. Eric didn't care, he just likes to walk and Ean didn't even know what the heck a swing was. whatever. i went down the slide with him, he looked at me like i was nuts. maybe i shouldn't rush the whole park scene? at the same time though, i can't wait for his little cheeks to get all red from rushing all over the jungle gym. or his first little boo boo he will get from trying to attempt that slide that's way too big for him.

i should stop. i'm getting really teary eyed just thinking about it.

my baby boy is 7 months today. i can't even believe it. how the heck did it go by so fast? someone please hit the slow motion button.

but then again, don't. i'm loving every second of this little boy. Ean we love you so much.

we are off the to grocery store right now, Ean is making every one pulled pork sandwiches for his celebration. thanks, dude.